Anyway when my medicine stopped working I started to become depressed but also worried. I was worried because I thought maybe I had done something wrong. It was so weird being normal one day then suddenly I feel pain in my stomach like before. I thought I had forgotten to take a pill or did something else wrong. So instead of immediately telling my doctor I was getting symptoms again, I pushed through it for months. I made sure to be very strict on taking my pills, hoping the symptoms would go away.
A couple of months went by and my symptoms began to get worse and worse. Luckily I was also taking iron supplements at the time so I wasn't as weak as before. However I had to deal with the stomach pains and the constant bathroom breaks. When I finally went to my doctor I was fed up. But I tried different prescriptions anyway which of course failed. And then my doctor told me Humira was probably my best bet. Humira is a medicine in which I would have to inject myself every two weeks with a needle to get the medicine in my body. That sounded scary for one, and also there was the downside of how expensive it was. Even with my health insurance it was still incredibly expensive to do every month. The workers at the clinic were really nice when I explained my finance situation and they gave me a financial assistance request form to fill out to possibly get the medicine cheaper. I went home and threw the application away.
It was pretty stupid of me to not figure out my health situation after my pills stopped working. I could of filled out that financial request form and maybe Humira would have worked. But maybe it wouldn't have. I was so fed up with doctor offices', swallowing pills, and everything! I couldn't do it anymore. So I just handled the pain, the diarrhea, the embarrassment. Time went by fast and before I knew it I was living on my own with my boyfriend. It was 3 years since I was diagnosed and I still wasn't on any medicine. I had gone on about 2 years with no medicine and this is when things started getting bad.
I was at work one day when I became dizzy. Everything started spinning when I was ringing up some customers at the register. I had to sit down and could barely move. It was really scary and my coworkers were really worried. So they called the ambulance and I was taken to the emergency room.
That wasn't my last experience in an emergency room.
The worst experience came a few months later. This was a huge eye opener for me. I woke up feeling weak and extremely dehydrated. I didn't have any water at my apartment (I hate tap water) so I decided to walk to the convenience store to buy a bottle of water. After I got my water I still didn't feel better. This confused me, because usually when I drink water I feel a lot better. So I assumed I was just hungry and walked to my favorite small mexican place. Walking there I felt like I was going to pass out and had to sit for a second. This should have been a sign to me that something was extremely wrong. But I thought I was just really hungry and needed food asap. So when I got to the mexican resturant I ordered my food and then sat down on a stool at a counter by the window. Bad idea. Next thing I knew I was laying on the ground, my lip cut open from slaming my face into the counter. There were paramedics hovering over me asking if I was okay.
I wasn't okay of course and they rushed me to the hospital.
After passing out in front of strangers, I was ready to be treated. I was beyond embarassed and this was an eye opener. I finally got a meeting with another gasteronologist (after 3 months of waiting to get an appointment) and was put on a different medicine.
I'm still trying different medicines right now, trying to find one that will work. It's frustrating that medicines keep failing with me but I'm not going to give up. There is a solution to my problem and I'm going to find it. Even if it does come down to surgery I'm not going to rest until I'm a normal person again.
This disease sucks and it's really hard to deal with. But, there are worse things to have and I'm lucky this is all I have right now. It puts me at odds with my body but the longer I have this disease, the more I realize it's not the fault of my body. I shouldn't hate my body because of this disease, my body is me. And no matter how annoying my body can be it's still me. And this disease has taught me to take care of my body better. And I've also learned that we all have things we struggle with. Basically what I'm saying is that don't judge someone off the bat when you don't know anything. Sometimes when I'm quiet and don't reply to somebody. It's not because I'm a mean person, it's usually because I am in pain and need a second to let it pass.
Do you have this disease? Or do you know someone that does? Let me know in the comments! :)
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